In Which I'd Had It

It's possible, I discovered, to stomp the entire distance between my school and the This and That supermarket in downtown Korla -- about a mile -- fueled solely by rage and desire.

The eighth graders had been rotten, so rotten that I sent several of them into the hall with instructions to think about their behavior. I'm sure they did exactly that. Regardless, I felt awful as soon as the door closed behind them. Slinking into the hall myself after class, I gave them sincere pats on the shoulders and said, "I like you. OK? I. Like. You. Will you try harder next time?"

They glanced at each other, then nodded vaguely at me. They didn't understand. They've studied English every day for eight years, but they didn't understand me. That's why they were acting up.

I cannot win with these creatures. I have 13-year-old students who speak English almost as well as I do, and some who don't speak at all, and they're in the same class. I have days where the students are so wonderful and charming that I'm deeply smitten and want to carry them around in my pockets. Then I have days where I would happily smother them with their own backpacks. Sometimes I try to really get them -- What do you care about? What's interesting to you? -- and they can't be bothered to even glance at me. Sometimes I present what I consider a marginally interesting but mostly boring lesson, and they actually listen.

It's like trying to read rune stones. I cannot win with these teenagers.

Especially on this day, this rotten, go-to-the-hall-and-think-about-your-crimes day. After gathering my things, I flounced down the stairs and out the door, and considered my options. I could cry, and the tears certainly were right there, ready to tumble. I could kick something, or throw something, or scream until I passed out.

Or I could stalk all the way into town, and do what I vowed I wouldn't when I moved here, when I promised myself I'd go native and not give in to the temptation of the scarce and extremely expensive American products.

The choice was easy: I bought the Oreos and ate them all.